MRL still hasn't figured out the jazz(?) song we loved to listen to in insti. Mostly guitars. Maybe it wasn't jazz, since I don't really like jazz but I absolutely love this song. I remember making my mum listen to it and she said it was the happiest song in the world and stirred up her happiest memories from childhood, specially from the circus - the crescendo building up much as the enthusiasm of a child's builds up in anticipation of each new act at the circus.
Personally, I always remembered the sea or the beach when I heard. More specifically, my hair blowing in the cool sea breeze (I had long hair back then). When I really really let myself pursue my imagination further, it was me walking in from a beachfront patio through french windows into a spacious atelier, which housed my easel and paints. I really, really wanted to paint again. Maybe I will someday.
This weekend, amid (or maybe despite) all my wallowing and cleaning and job search, I was reminded of this song I don't recall, these reactions and the pleasure I derived from sharing these and other similar reactions. On further probing, I remembered that the thing I loved most about myself was that I was a dreamer. Till a few years ago, I had these elaborate ideas I wanted to pursue - about books, travel, art, life experiences; none of them had anything to do with what I would do for a living (in recent months, there are definitely times that I wish I had thought more about what I wanted to do for a living). Except perhaps when I was really small and thought I wanted to be a scientist.
So, in my one crystallizing moment this weekend, I realized I didn't want to give that up. But I also don't want to be the dreamer that only dreams and never really achieves anything on that to-do list. (something that sent me spiraling into this prolonged depression since last summer) I am not sure what's prevented me from chasing these dreams before but the few decisions I did make this weekend:
1. I absolutely hate the cold - it makes me lazy, fat, dandruff-y and puts me in a crabby mood. I need to move out of Chicago ASAP. As of now, the only reason to stay is a good paycheck from Former Partner (FP for future references, and partner refers to seniority in office not life partner or any such)
2. I really don't care for material possessions besides shoes and watches. I own a lot of stuff but my parents keep buying that for me. I have bought very little of it besides said shoes and watches.
3. I really, really love Hum Aapke Hain Koun, the movie - everyone is so happy in the movie till the point the elder sister dies. I watch only till that point anyway. I've seen the movie so many times, I pretty much know it word for word but still, everyone is so happy in the movie.
4. I really, really don't like babies. Deal with it.
5. Most importantly, I miss dreaming. So to correct this, Spring 2013 will be spent either in France or Italy. Most likely France.
Personally, I always remembered the sea or the beach when I heard. More specifically, my hair blowing in the cool sea breeze (I had long hair back then). When I really really let myself pursue my imagination further, it was me walking in from a beachfront patio through french windows into a spacious atelier, which housed my easel and paints. I really, really wanted to paint again. Maybe I will someday.
This weekend, amid (or maybe despite) all my wallowing and cleaning and job search, I was reminded of this song I don't recall, these reactions and the pleasure I derived from sharing these and other similar reactions. On further probing, I remembered that the thing I loved most about myself was that I was a dreamer. Till a few years ago, I had these elaborate ideas I wanted to pursue - about books, travel, art, life experiences; none of them had anything to do with what I would do for a living (in recent months, there are definitely times that I wish I had thought more about what I wanted to do for a living). Except perhaps when I was really small and thought I wanted to be a scientist.
So, in my one crystallizing moment this weekend, I realized I didn't want to give that up. But I also don't want to be the dreamer that only dreams and never really achieves anything on that to-do list. (something that sent me spiraling into this prolonged depression since last summer) I am not sure what's prevented me from chasing these dreams before but the few decisions I did make this weekend:
1. I absolutely hate the cold - it makes me lazy, fat, dandruff-y and puts me in a crabby mood. I need to move out of Chicago ASAP. As of now, the only reason to stay is a good paycheck from Former Partner (FP for future references, and partner refers to seniority in office not life partner or any such)
2. I really don't care for material possessions besides shoes and watches. I own a lot of stuff but my parents keep buying that for me. I have bought very little of it besides said shoes and watches.
3. I really, really love Hum Aapke Hain Koun, the movie - everyone is so happy in the movie till the point the elder sister dies. I watch only till that point anyway. I've seen the movie so many times, I pretty much know it word for word but still, everyone is so happy in the movie.
4. I really, really don't like babies. Deal with it.
5. Most importantly, I miss dreaming. So to correct this, Spring 2013 will be spent either in France or Italy. Most likely France.
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