Mum's the word

After my conversation with Harish this morning, realised how much I missed studying. But, honestly, even if you forced me, I wouldn't go back to IIT. Not that I'm disappointed, like the scores of posts I've read by seniors, juniors and batchmates commenting on how disappointed they were after entering the institution. Honestly, I don't think any of you has achieved enough to make judgements like that. However, I do agree with most when they say the first semester kills all interest one has in Maths.

I loved Maths before entering IIT. So much so that if the entire IIT thing hadn't worked out, I was going to major in Journalism and minor in Maths (if at all this would have been possible) Anyway, the first course was rotten, the professor was probably the worst Maths teacher I've ever had and the courses to follow only made me wonder if I sucked so much at them, how is it that I made my way into IIT. So, out went Maths till GRE prep came along and I remembered how good I was at Probability and Coordinate Geometry, not the trivial GRE kind but the really complicated S.L.Loney kind. After my internship at L&T, however, I decided, I really can't keep talking about vague n's and infinities all the time, I like the real and the now and the thrill of corporate culture. So, out went Maths again till recently, when I started to seriously think about my future.

It's got to do with my ma really. She topped her class last year at NLSIU where she was pursuing a Post-Graduate Diploma in Intellectual Property Rights. Though everybody was insistent that she start regular practice after that, she was firm that she had done it out of interest and not to make money. This year she topped her class at SVYASA in her Yoga Instructor's Course. She's been doing yoga for as long as I can remember, and that's since I was at least three years old. I should know, because not only did I do yoga with her, I also copied pictures from her Yoga books. She plans on enrolling in the Yoga Therapy course and is already pursuing another at Banjara Academy in psychology. Before you brush her aside as another YT (yoga technology for the uninitiated) export/expert from India, let me tell you she's an M.Sc in Physics and was pursuing a Ph.D when I was born. And not theoretical Physics. Her scientific explanations for some portions of Yoga could not have been possible otherwise. She has made some amazing discoveries about Planck's constant, resonance and gravity to name a few.

With this example and first-hand encouragement, I can't think of going back to Maths. Or Ships. True, that was first love but I believe first love is just supposed to leave you with bittersweet memories and invaluable lessons. Like I said this morning, next study step would be something vague, which really translates to something I enjoy. It could be as ridiculous as a comparative study of the most famous fictional detectives in the world. (I did try this over the last few months) or as moving as ancient Indian architecture, especially, in stone or as overdone as Indian writing in English. The only conclusive idea I have is there's way too much to do, very little time. :)

Just a clarification, I did enjoy every minute of my major and minor at IIT but things just went wrong post internship and into the BTP. There is always the question of sustenance and I find it weirder than deja-vu that I should be working in the Airline Industry because if Maths and ships were first love, Airplanes have to be my zeroth love. Pretty much my identity till IIT. So, in case, none of my books sell (oh yes, I will write books someday) or no government commissions me to write about their state/country (like the Government of Karnatka commissioned R.K.Narayan to write The Emerald Route), I should be provided for. And this chance return to my identity reaffirms my belief in the plan.

The Emerald Route and my trip to Ellora, have been the encouragement to study Indian architecture. The resolve got further strengthened this afternoon when I realised I know more about Ellora than a famous author of an equally famous guide to Ellora. Maybe, I'll write a travelogue. I do have notes from my trip to Ellora. I maintain a book in which I note down all the places I want to visit and the sights I want to see there. I maintain another in which I make lists of all the books I must read. I maintain three diaries and a scrapbook, each serving very different objectives. I have my own notebook which talks about my findings of Yoga and Gyms. I've read 90% of the 200+ books that I own and many more which I don't. Maybe, I am not as lost as my "friends" on facebook will have me believe. I'm probably far closer to my goal than I had realised! Yay me!

I have gone through quite a few phases of "ambitions" - astronaut, pilot, scientist, mathematician, engineer, journalist, writer, naval architect, head honcho. But the more I reflect on it, the more all of the above-mentioned qualify as professions, not ambitions. Yes, professionally, I hope to be CEO or CFO. I know I will write. (by which I mean more seriously than I do now) But my ambition is something I had got so right when I was in 12th standard itself, I am ashamed I forgot it the last few years. I still have the answer sheet to the English paper in which I wrote my ambition for an essay. Unexpectedly, the inspiration came from Pip, a character I so detested at that time. The essay reestablished my respect for Dickens and the universality of some authors and texts. I guess examinations do lead to revelations. :)

I don't cease to marvel that the definition came from Pip and the strength, to put it in as many words, from none other than Ashoka. The reason I mention strength is I remember a classmate of mine, on our trip to Goa, saying, "It's scary to have dreams, what if you can't make them come true?" I had been searching for the right word, encouragement from Ashoka just didn't fit the bill, after this incident, it's just perfect. Coming back to the ambition, if I should slip again, I just have to go to the next room and look at my ma.

And finally, there has to be a plan, why else should all this so marvelously fall into place today, complete with the fortunate find of 5 Gerald Durrell books while shopping at Crossword? Watch out world, here comes the new and improved Freespirit. Or maybe the original and best Freespirit.

p.s. In continuation to paragraph 6, I also maintain a blog and write incredibly long posts. :D